


A Cowboy and a Roman Get Into a Car

by lauwerance



Category: Night at the Museum (Movies)
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, A little bit of fluff, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Light Angst, M/M, POV Alternating, kinda slowburn, mostly jed always accepts death too soon and octavius has other plans, they're both dramatic but in different ways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:55:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24122479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lauwerance/pseuds/lauwerance
Summary: Five times that Jedediah and Octavius were slowly falling in love and the one time they finally fell.
Relationships: Jedediah & Octavius (Night at the Museum), Jedediah/Octavius (Night at the Museum)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 260





	A Cowboy and a Roman Get Into a Car

**Author's Note:**

> Probably the only fic I'll write for natm but boy howdy do I love these two (all of these events take place during the movies).




Octavius wasn’t really sure how he got here. 

_ Here  _ being the passenger seat of a tiny motor vehicle, speeding down the snowy paths of a place called Central Park. 

Alright, well, he did know  _ how _ he got here. He was the one who put himself into the car, he had made the decision to embark on this mission.

What he really couldn’t figure out was why he is here, in this tiny car, racing along on a rescue mission for the tablet. With an enormous beast following along behind.

With Jedediah driving.

It’s truly strange to say the least. It’s definitely exciting, what with all of Jedediah’s whooping and hollering and general ruckus. It’s even sort of enjoyable.  _ It’s remarkable how quickly your sworn enemies can turn into your friends _ , Octavius marvels as Jed steers the car around a fallen branch, forcing them both to hang on tightly.

He calls him Jed now. And he’s quite certain that the cowboy has called him Ockie a few times. 

“Woah, hang on, partner!” Jed yells as they take a curve sharply, Octavius only having a second to brace himself before the car slides around the bend. 

It’s hard to imagine that up until earlier in the night, the two of them had still been at each other’s throats. A couple days ago Octavius had ended up in the stockades (not for the first time) in the Western diorama, and even while Larry (or as Jed calls him, “Gigantor”), was making a rallying speech for the soldiers of the museum they had still been bickering. They had been fighting each other for years. But despite all that, here they are, ready to meet whatever fate befalls them in this tiny vehicle, together. 

Even when they had been removing air from the tires of the much bigger vehicle, and Octavius had told Jed to save himself, all the other man had responded with was “I ain’t quittin’ you!” And that had been… A little unexpected. He hadn’t known that a cowboy like Jed himself could be so determined to stick by his former foe. It had been good to know that he wasn’t alone.

It’s good now, too, and as Octavius glances over to Jedediah, who’s gripping the wheel and his face pinched into half thrill, half worry, he must admit. This cowboy is extraordinary.




The past 48 hours have not been kind to Octavius. 

When they had first learned about their upcoming shipment to the National Archives, it had not gone over well. It had gone over even  _ worse _ when Larry had come to visit, only to find out that everyone was to leave the next day. Jedediah had taken that especially hard, and Octavius couldn’t have blamed him. Everything the cowboy had said to Larry was true, even calling him “Daydream Johnny”, whatever in Jupiter that meant. Of course he had backed Jed up, and, being significantly upset himself, he hadn’t cared entirely how angry Jed was when he said all those things. Nowhere could be home but their own beloved museum. He had offered to walk with Jedediah through the halls with the others one last time, to see everything they had explored, but the cowboy had declined, electing instead to “squander in self pity,” which sounded a lot more sad. But it would not be said that Octavius had ever disrespected Jed’s choices.

Over their few years of friendship between the first night in the car and now, they had grown to be quite good friends. It was all a matter of learning to live with each other’s differences. Octavius with his Roman Empire, and Jedediah with his dusty, Western empire of sorts. What Larry had said on their first night of being companions had done nothing if not ring true: they  _ were _ both brave leaders, only wanting the best for their respective peoples. 

Only a day ago, when they had first woken up together in a strange new museum, it had been quite a shock. Having already said their goodbyes back in New York, settling down for the night and assuming it was the last time they would see each other, Octavius had made his peace with being inanimate forever. As long as he was still near his good friends, with Jed, it would be alright. 

But then everyone had woken up, revealing how Dexter had taken the tablet, and there had been worry in his mind. What about everyone back in New York? Would Ahkmunrah be alright? Would Octavius be confined to this basement forever? 

It wouldn’t have been so bad, he supposed; having to be down here. It was plenty of new space for him and Jedediah to explore.

When Kahmunrah had started attacking them, however, everything had been turned on its head, so to speak. He and Jed had stuck close together, Octavius brandishing his sword and the cowboy at his side firing his pistols with what Octavius was sure was a deadly accurate aim.

He didn’t know where Jed had gotten the telephone from, but thank Jupiter he had found one, because Larry was still probably their best bet at getting out of this place in one piece. 

He and Jedediah are listening to the golden-haired Colonel of Custard outline his, frankly horrendous, battle strategies. The two of them are casting each other doubtful looks, looks that Octavius takes to mean that Jedediah feels the same way about this strange man as Octavius does, even though he probably understands what his fellow American is saying far better than a roman emperor would.

“Listen up kemosabe,” Jed says. Octavius asked Jedediah once a while back, like he did with many of the words and saying the Westerner used, what  _ kemosabe _ meant when he had first started calling Octavius that. Jed had only responded with a wave of a gloved hand and said “it’s a sort of a friendly thing to say”, which was good because that meant Jedediah truly considers him a friend. A good enough one to have a nickname, at that.

“This rodeo clown wouldn't know a flapjack from a flyswatter. Now, Gigantor's out there risking his hide for us. The least we can do is give him some help. Some big help. But we can't very well do that if we're stuck in here, now, can we?” Jed continues. Octavius nods along, although he’ll admit that he isn’t sure what at least half of Jedediah’s mannerisms mean. 

“We need to escape.” Jed says finally. Octavius agrees; Larry’s going to need all the help he can get, and it’s probably not going to come from this so-called  _ ‘rodeo clown’ _ .

“What’s a flapjack?” he can’t help but ask.

“It’s like a biscuit, or a scone.” Jed explains, gesturing around with his hands and not batting an eye. Mostly satisfied with the response, Octavius nods.

“Chest bump?” he offers, hoping that Jed will accept unlike he did with the walk a couple days ago. They have often chest bumped when embarking on great missions, (mostly of exploration and not of battle), and this seems as good a time as any. Jed moves in and they do a very sound chest bump, then creep towards the doors of the shipping container while the Colonel rambles on in the background. 

They have some rope that got brought with them from the museum, so they haul that to the edge of where they will make their descent and toss it over after securing it to the container. 

“Ready?” Jedediah asks, and Octavius nods firmly. 

“Ready.” If they are together on this mission, they cannot fail. 

Their climb is going smoothly right up until the black and white men spot them, shouting and running over and Octavius and Jed scramble desperately down the rope.

“Octavius, go!” Jed hisses at him when they make it to a landing. “You make a run for it, I’ll hold them off!” Octavius is instantly struck with worry that has a very good likelihood of turning into flat out fear. What will happen to Larry if he stays with Jedediah? What will happen to Jed if he  _ leaves? _

“I will not leave you!” he proclaims, reaching for his sword. He can’t leave Jed to face these giant, colorless men alone. Of course he has confidence in Jed’s skills to get himself out of questionable situation’s alive, but he can’t help but fear what may become of his dear friend. 

“ Ain't no time for your Roman melodrama!” Jed protests, pushing at Octavius. “Now, get! Go!” Seeing that Jed clearly won’t take no for an answer, Octavius decides in a split second that he’ll be more help to both Jed and Larry if he remains uncaptured and takes off. From behind him, he hears Jed’s uncertain “Old Jedediah'll be fine.” and the booming “Now you’re in  _ real _ trouble” from one of the men. It makes his heart pound, not just from the running but from worry for Jedediah’s wellbeing.

Larry can wait. As Octavius runs, he feels a gnawing feeling settle in his chest, something that he is unfamiliar with but something that is definitely telling him that Jedediah comes first.

  
  


3.

Jedediah has been having a pretty rough couple of days. 

It started with a rude awakening and an attack by a bunch of wackos in dresses, and now he’s helpless in an hourglass as his friends fight for the lives of themselves and the entire world.

When he had first gotten separated from Octavius much earlier in the night, it had been much easier to keep his spirits up, to keep his optimism high. He had even called Kahmunrah “goofy” to his face and felt no worries about it, and he stood by his statement that the pharaoh was crazier than a road lizard. Nothing at all like Ahk. 

But as the time had literally slipped through the hourglass and onto Jed’s hat, Kahmunrah hadn’t done much to lift his spirits, that was for sure. It had been much easier to lift Larry’s not even a minute ago.

He’s still glad that he made Octavius leave when he did, because if he hadn’t they’d both be stuck in this got-dang hourglass. And then where would they be? When Octavius had ridden in on the back of a varmint, Jed had been a little worried. But then Abraham Lincoln, bigger than even  _ Gigantor, _ had come crashing through the roof and Jedediah had never been more proud of the roman. He was really living up to his title of general. 

Even though all the bird-brains had flown back into the underworld, Jed is still on the floor, in the hourglass, watching Kahmunrah’s thugs beat on his friends. The frustration and the still pouring sand are going to get the better of his and there’s nothing he can do. At least he knows Octavius is somewhere out there, not in immediate danger of drowning in sand.

Suddenly, he hears a yell and looks up to see Octavius sprinting towards him.

“Jedediah! They need us!” he says urgently, stepping up onto the little ledge of the hourglass. Jed shakes his head sadly.

“Ain't gonna make it!” he says, trying not to sound too shook up about it. He doesn’t want Octavius to think this is his fault somehow. “Afraid this cowboy's been to his last hoedown.” Octavius keeps looking at him with a stricken expression that just breaks Jedediah’s heart. “Octavius, remember me as I was, wild, and free, and--and…” he says, lifting his hand out of the sand to gesture, trying to make the whole ordeal sound better than what it really is.

“No need for final words.” Octavius says.

“I’m not finished yet.” Jed interrupts. 

“Oh.” says Octavius. 

“I want to get to the story of our relationship, the evolution from enemy to friends.” Jedediah says.  _ I care about you so gosh darn much! _ he wants to yell.

“No!” shouts Octavius.

“It’ll make you cry!” argues Jed.

“No!” yells Octavius again, taking off his helmet. “Because you are going to  _ live _ !” he cries, and smashes the glass with his big, feathery helmet, sending Jedediah and all of the sand spilling out onto the floor, and it is the most amazing thing Jed has ever seen.

“Whoo!” Jed whoops as Octavius helps him up, relieved to be spared from his sandy fate. “Let’s go to work.” Octavius offers him a sword, and as they plunge into battle, Jed decides that there’s no one he’d rather be fighting alongside.




Octavius wishes he could just tell Jed exactly  _ why _ he had asked him to hold his hand.

The truth is, he doesn’t exactly know either. 

It had been a sort of heat of the moment thing, when they thought they had reached what Jed called the “last round-up”. Octavius could just remember thinking that, like all the times before when they had been in grave danger before, it would be nice to have a little confirmation that Jedediah was still there. 

Like when they had nearly been eaten by new additions to the African animals exhibit, two big, ferocious looking black cats. They had skidded into a tiny vent in the wall and clung to each other, yelling their heads off before Larry had come into the room and distracted the cats long enough for Jed and Octavius to make their daring escape. That had been a good adventure despite the almost being eaten.

This situation would probably end up like many of their other excursions out of their home museum; no matter how uncertain it got, they usually emerged victorious. Jedediah was a bit of a pessimist when it came to that sort of thing, and Octavius could understand. Sometimes it was difficult to save face when confronting a large, seemingly untouchable obstacle. Octavius had merely assumed that it would be alright to offer a hand. 

Apparently not so, though, seeing how quickly Jed turned him down.

It was alright though, he wasn’t too upset about it. He had gotten this sort of thing from Jedediah before; perhaps Romans and cowboys had different methods of showing their affection and friendship. He had played it off fairly smoothly, too, denying that he had ever asked when they were inevitably rescued from a dusty demise.

After walking through the vents a while they come to stop at a grate. He and Jedediah peer over the edge, trying to evaluate their choices.

“I can’t really see much.” says Jed, moving around a little to try to get a different angle on the grate. “We could jump down, hope for the best.” he suggests, though it doesn't sound like the most confident of plans. 

“But we have no idea what’s down there.” points out Octavius, trying to get a good look, too. All of the sudden they hear a rumbling behind them, they hear a growling, creature-like noise from behind them in the vent. 

“We don’t know what’s up here either.” Jed says. As a shadow grows on the far wall, they both look at each other and with a shout, they take a running leap through the grate. As they leap, Octavius almost wants to reach out and take Jed’s hand again.




So this is how it ends.

Not in some heroic battle or a dangerous mission that just barely got the best of them, but on a cold rooftop in England. 

Oh how the tables have turned for Jedediah. Before Larry came to the museum, he thought he would just live out the rest of his days in the Western diorama, stuck in the same cycle of waking up every night and building a train to nowhere. That wasn’t all that bad; the west was his home, he had friends there. But it was becoming mundane. He had been tired of the gigantors locking them up every night. Who had known what was beyond the west? 

Then Larry had come around and he had been allowed to roam free, wherever he wanted. The only catch had been that he had had to get along with Octavius. He’ll admit, that had been difficult at first, but after the car chase through central park they had been inseparable. 

He had thought that the car crash could be where he died, too. Stuck outside the museum until dawn, until it was too late. But Ocatvius had come over and hauled him onto his feet out of the snow and the two had started the long trek back to the museum, and they had ended up alive. 

In the couple years after that, Jed had thought that exploring the museum would have been the thing that finally got him, what with all the places he could fall into and all the much bigger dangers around him. He didn’t really expect to go out like that, he certainly didn’t want to, but if it had happened he wouldn’t have been surprised. 

Octavius was always there, too. Right alongside him with almost every adventure, and the roman had helped him get out of quite a few hairy places. 

Like when they had been at the Smithsonian, and Jedediah had been sure that his long, long life had finally caught up to him, that he would die in that hourglass under all that sand and just be a little plastic cowboy forever. But Octavius had other plans. Like smashing the glass with his helmet. 

For the several years after that night, it had just been the same, comfortable threat of nothing more than a night in the museum that Jed had lived in for a countless amount of time.

Who would have thunk that he would be dying on a rooftop in London. Certainly not him.

He can feel his whole body slowly stiffening up; not in the normal, familiar way of going to sleep for a day, but in an aching, strange sort of way that tells him there’s no coming back from this one.

Jed can still see Octavius next to him, even as they both stare up at the sky, he can tell he’s there. That’s going to be worst of all, not even seeing him again, not ever going on great adventures together. No more cat videos, no more last minute rescues. Aw hell, he didn’t realize how much he’s gonna miss Octavius. It’s an ache in his heart that just won’t go away.

So he reaches out his hand.

“I’ll take that hand now.”

And Ocatvius takes it.

  
  


+1. 

Jedediah wakes up to the sounds of someone saying “ _ it’s 2017 and we’re welcoming back our visitors all the way from London, England!” _ .

This means two things.

One, is that it’s been 3 years since he’s been awake.

Two, is that since the visitors are from England, and seeing as how he’s awake, the visitor must be Ahk. And the tablet. 

It feels like he’s coming out of the deepest sleep he’s ever had. No dreams, nothing, and it feels a little strange to come to so suddenly. But then all that goes out the window when he remembers.

_ Octavius. _

On what they thought would be their final night together, the museum’s first night without the tablet, the two of them had stood on the floor between their dioramas, the west to the left and Rome to the right. Along with Attila, Teddy, Sacagawea and the crazy caveman, they were the only ones left awake. 

“I suppose this is it.” Octavius had said, looking up at Rome. Jed had nodded sadly. 

“This really was the last hoedown.” he sighed. Octavius looked at him, his face worried. 

“I do not know what I will do without you, my friend.” he said. Jed almost felt like crying, this was all so sad, but he sniffed loudly to cover it up.

“Me neither, compadre.” he admitted, pointedly looking at the wild west and not towards Octavius. He knew he should have looked at him. He wanted to, wanted to memorize everything about the other man before it was too late.

“I have faith that we will see each other again.” Octavius said. “This will not be our final stand.” When Jedediah had finally looked over to Octavius, he saw the roman’s outstretched hand, and he took it without hesitation. He huffed out a breath.

“I hope you’re right.” he said holding their hands between them and Octavius’s even tighter.

“It’s almost sunrise.” Octavius pointed out softly.

“Yeah, I know.” Jed said reluctantly. “Maybe we can just stay here. He suggested, swinging their hands a little. “Gigantor’s gonna have to start us our own diorama.” Octavius laughed, and Jed’s heart fluttered at the sound, like it wanted to chase after it. 

“And half would be Roman and half would be Western.” Octavius added. 

“Yeah.” agreed Jed, very eloquently. They fell silent again, letting the time tick by.

“We have to go.” Octavius said quietly. 

“Aw, hell…” Jed muttered, sniffing again. He looked over at Octavius, one last time. “I’ll see you around, partner.” Octavius nodded, bringing their hands up and giving Jed’s one last squeeze. 

“Goodbye, Jedediah.” he said, smiling sadly. 

After that they had broken apart to climb into their respective dioramas, the last glimpse of Octavius that Jed had gotten was his red cape as he disappeared over the edge of Rome. 

Now though, he can see everyone in the West bursting into life, laughing and running around and celebrating. It’s wonderful, and as people walk by and pat him on the back and say “Good to see ya!” he feels so at home. But he can’t help but rush to the edge of the west as quickly as he can, trying to peer around to see Rome. He sees a streak of red sliding down a rope to the floor, and it’s all Jed can do to not trip over himself in his haste to find a rope and toss it over.

As soon as his boots hit the floor he's making a beeline for the crowd of romans already on the floor. 

“Octavius!” he calls out, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Octy! Where are ya, kemosabe!” 

He climbs up on the back of the bench in the middle of the room, thankful that someone, (probably Gigantor), had had the hindsight to pull the glass across the Mayans. He’s scanning the crowd for Octavius when he hears someone shout his name from the other side of the bench, and he turns to see the only person who would have the same idea as him at the exact same time.

“Jed!” Octavius yells again when they spot each other, and then they’re sprinting towards one another, Jed’s hat nearly flying off.

They practically collide with one another, but that’s ok with Jedediah because he’s spinning Octavius around in a hug and laughing.

“I knew we’d see each other again!” Octavius says, smiling wide, and Jed just can’t help it.

He kisses him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading through this mess, and if you skipped to the bottom, hi. all comments and kudos are appreciated :)))


End file.
